Not necessarily necessary. Its acquired, not required. Recommended, but not recollected.
Its funny how after we get disprespected the us puts us in history books from their perspective just for the record. That’s that point of view from above, from the outside, by the inside gets shoved the cold shoulder and no love. Cuz they illiterate, or so they say why should they learn to read English they weren’t born that way. They still got, the alibata, with no f’s and c’s, just p’s and k’s, but they can still write pak da u s a. by why am I sayin that, cuz I’m contradictin my self, if I switched place with my cousins, I’d want to be here instead, I’m one outta the klan with the opportuniy to be, not poor, but maybe rich cuz I gots to get mine, if not wealthy, than just healthy and getting by will be fine. Cuz every now and then I can send pants and socks, and a vcr in that balikbayan box. and its like im the link between the past the present so I gotta give back by givin second hand presents, but when I leave this world and present my presence to God allah or buddah, then what will I tell him. “well you gave me the chance to be better than them, so I took advantage, and drank and smoked and told jokes pimped cars, and by far I did more shit than just play on guitar and send text messages, and go to the river boulevard, so u should let me in cuz I played with what u gave me, I went to concerts by talib, mya and jay-z, then I made hats for people so they wouldn’t get burnt on their head and I went to the snow cuz in the philipines it doesn’t get cold so instead of bein like them, I made somebody else, so let me into the gates and let me better myself, and maybe I can re-encartnate to somebody better, cuz I lived my life good I deserve a letter of recommendation , when I resume my resume maybe I can be financially stabiler and my English will be more proper and I can say what I want when I need to get what needs to be done so I can get more funds and give back to my son, so he wont’ have to work burnin rice or slayin pop cola or in the jeepney for ten pesos per customer, or $5 per tourist. Let me live my life again and I’ll do it to the fullest. And that’s why my history is important to me because its only required for the paper that’s on the screen.
07.23.07
My money tree I got about a year ago has been slowly dying. The house warming gift for 201 leafwood made it to my first “real” place. 411 Fairmount was my spot. On my own, by myself. It was off in the corner. I forgot to water it sometimes. Sometimes a whole week went by. It was still holdin on. Then I decided to move it by my piano. Took more centerstage role. Mostly cuz I put the printer in its previous place, more convenient. This was my dining room/office, so I needed to maximize space. I began to realize it was losing its leaves slowly. I thought it’s time had come, but came to realize that I took it out of its optimum place to grow. I was gonna say fuck it, let it die. It was cursed to begin with. Everythin associated with 201 leafwood was bad from the start. But I noticed when I was peelin back the leaves that had started to wilt, the ones on top didn’t wanna die. They stayed. They wanted to keep growin. Above them were some new leaves. Read to get some action, anxious to keep the cycle going. I know the money tree won’t give me any money, but I wanted the ones on top to keep going, for as long as it could. The biggest leaves from the beginning had lost two of its brothers, maybe more. But it’s still there. It’s the last one of its branch. But its still supporting the little ones. It’s not gonna let them give up. Its not gonna stop them from growin. All the fallen leaves will be replaced and the tree keeps going, cuz the ones on top won’t give up.
Even though it’s lonely at the top.
C, G7,C, G7-b,C,a-g#-g,f#-F
04.19.04
2:40 AM
Jon wants me to keep a journal for tech, so here. I just got home from Amy’s house. Finally this is the last weekend. I could tell they wanted us to get out , and it was real dramatic for everybody, but the set is gonna be gangsta. I wanna give props to Matt Jones, and Eddy for doin some tag, we appreciate it. Nobody should go unnoticed.
untitled 2.0 <for roylan>
2003
I’ll do what I can to be a father figure and a Man
To all my sons and daughters
On this land, near or farther across the water
Where our real roots are, I want to be a part of
Your life…This is my test,
Reminded whenever I look at my chest, that you’re forever at rest,
Sometimes I feel deprived, but believe that I'm blessed
With all my failures and stress, there must come success,
I want to confess my sins and clean up this mess.
God, Allah, Buddha, & Christ,
Give this man life after death, let him take flight
Make him and angel for us to look up to
I still don’t know you, but I still love you.
R.I.P.
Roylan Tugade
untitled <for roylan>
2003
I never knew you but I feel like I owe my respect
for the neglect upon you everyone else left with shackles on ur neck
you came a stranger and left family
I wish when you were here you could’ve lived happily
I took you for granted, as a joke,
This shits real it ain’t supposed to be like a story I wrote
I wish I could learn more about you, and how you came to be
Maybe we coulda been friends, maybe you coulda came to me
Maybe I coulda stopped you and help u put shit back where it needs to be,
Your boy needs you, your wife needs you, Sheryl and marky
He’s too young to understand why his daddy’s never home
You had us, u didn’t have to be alone.
I cry tears of pain
and I didn’t even know the man behind the name
I pray for Sheryl too, lord knows what she’s been thru
I promise you once I can I’ll be the father to them, but I can’t replace you
I know you struggled with shit that’s unexplainable,
I know you had dreams that are unattainable
Shit doesn’t happen, someone flings it,
I wish you had song so I can sing it
I’ll do what I can to be a father figure and a Man
To all my sons and daughters on this land,
near or farther across the water,
Where our real roots are, I’ll think of you whenever I look at my arm
Word is my bond, God, Allah, Buddah, & Christ,
Give this man life after death, let him take flight
Make him and angel for us to look up to
I still don’t know you, but I still love you.
R.I.P. Roylan Tugade
Amboy
why are u gone?
u haven't been here that long.
i already miss you, you were an angel for us, but now ur gone. why does it have to be this way?
God made u so perfect, why did he take u away?
this morning i felt empty, & i didn't know why.
i thought i was mad at the world but instead it was cuz u weren't in my life.
i was so empty, & i didn't know why.
till mom called w/ the news, i just cried,
and they won't end, it just leaks from my soul,
this is the end of my fairy tale role,
when i pushed all my fear inside, kept all my tears inside,
i mask my fears with a smile, but now i can't hide.
ur face was so cute, i couldn't see it, but i knew ur expression.
ur eyes were the window to ur soul, u were a blessing.
i wish we spoke the same tongue, but i told u i love u,
u said nothing, just looked at me after i hugged u.
i didn't think that woul be the last time i saw u.
Mahal Kita Amboy.
MySpace bio
i'ma doer.
i'm not in it for the fame. i wanna make change but still make change.
the simple things are hard and the hard things are simple, therefore, everything i do is BIG, not little.
i used to move PIECES like it was chess, so they tried to check me. i can't give up because my FAMe and pride won't let me.
i'm the un-stereotype. i can't fit, but i can fight.
so now i shoot for the moon cuz i might get a star, cuz even if i mess up i would've never got that far.
i'ma magician.
along the way it might seem like a trick. but when i pull off my magic you'll want to believe in it.
started with nothing, made my order.
turned it to somethin which was better than the former.
from contacts to hats, to bein visionary to literary, i'm bout to go real real real real real bigante...
and it just started, that's whats scary.
